I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
