My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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