If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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