Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The air taste purple.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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