i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
