My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
