Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
