I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
