Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
