i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
