I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
