he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
