I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
