She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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