My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
