My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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