I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS