she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
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Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself