Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.