I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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