I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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