booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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