Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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