I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
