im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't deserve a penis
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
