he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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