I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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