your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
