just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
