Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
