On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize