all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
