Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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