when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
