Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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