its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
