I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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