Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
