She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
