we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
