At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
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Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.