If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
