I accidentally burped into my bong.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa