Are you guys doing anything tonight?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff