I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
