I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
