Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
