I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
