It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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