i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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