Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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