You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
