Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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