I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
