I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
