the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
