the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?