it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.