I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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