3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome