someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck