god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked