I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
