Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
