She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
