Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
