my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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