Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
