I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
