he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
