Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
