Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
