is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
