They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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