I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
