Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
