Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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