Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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